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Almost everyone who has gone through a relationship breakup or divorce describes that, for a period of time, they felt numb and followed the movements of life as best they could. If this sounds dramatic, it can be as difficult and intense to experience as it sounds.

With the end of a love relationship or marriage, it can feel like life has been temporarily taken from you. You may feel like a zombie, just a shell walking around trying to get through the day.

You might even start to believe that you will be in this zombie state forever. It may seem like the grievance, shock, and anguish will go on forever.

As hard as it can be to feel like a heartbroken zombie, we’re here to tell you that you don’t have to feel that way forever, or even much longer.

There is no magic number of days, months, or years after a breakup that the pain will go away. This varies for everyone. But you can take steps to help yourself feel better faster and easier. You can stop feeling like a numb, lifeless zombie and go back to being the vibrant person you were (and still are).

Here are 4 tips to help…

#1: Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling.

Too often, people are so afraid of their own emotions after a breakup or divorce that they go to great lengths NOT to feel them. The mere thought of their hurt, anger or sadness can be overwhelming and so they avoid, ignore and cover up how they really feel whenever they can.

This can make the zombie breaking experience more difficult and longer lasting as well.

Instead, find the courage to sit back and feel what you are feeling. Nobody likes to experience difficult emotions, but the best way to release them is to let them come up and out. In fact, the more willing you are to feel what you feel, the more your difficult emotions will release.

Be creative and write, paint, sing or dance your feelings. Experiment with different ways of expressing your emotions and keep doing what you find most helpful.

#2: Remember to look up your bread.

It is very important to cry, scream, get angry and even feel fear, if that is what is real for you right now. Be sure to let your emotions out in a way that doesn’t involve you hurting yourself or others.

There are often points where an intense emotion eases a bit; by the way, this is usually when you have allowed it to come up and come out. When you are in a quieter place, deliberately look around you.

Notice what is going on in your life. What’s going on with your friends and family and your world? Make a decision to widen your vision and give your attention to everything else going on around you as you go through this difficult time.

Just by checking in with the rest of the world, you can start to become more involved with your extended life and not be as focused on the breakup.

#3: Give yourself the support you really need.

Oftentimes, a person who has been through a breakup will feel overwhelmed by all the changes that are taking place. The zombie mode that can set in is frequently related to feeling unable to handle potentially new responsibilities and painful choices, as well as heightened emotions.

When you connect with people and resources in your life who can support you, it can help you get out of zombie mode and start living more fully.

Be clear and specific with those who offer to support you. Order what you need in the most precise terms you know. Then make sure you allow yourself to fully receive what is given to you.

#4: Start creating your desired future.

When you’re ready, you can also give yourself permission to think about the kind of future you want for yourself. Thinking about a future that doesn’t involve your ex might not be something that appeals to you right now, and that’s okay. Be patient with yourself.

Continue to allow your emotions, reminding yourself of what is happening right now in your expanded life, and receiving support. These are all very important for your healing and these strategies can also help you get out of zombie mode.

At a certain point, you may find yourself thinking about the next month, the next year, or the next 5 years. You may even feel excited about some goal or aspiration that has occurred to you. When this happens, go with him. Allow yourself to dream of what awaits you and then begin to take steps in that direction.

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