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One trait that most men value highly in a woman is her ability to listen well and stay interested in what they have to say. Listening can be the most subtle but effective way to show sincere appreciation for another person.

With proper awareness and practice, we can all become better listeners, show more appreciation, and make deeper connections with other people. To help you make immediate progress in this area, here are some simple guidelines to follow:

o Give the gift of sincere listening.

Sometimes it is comforting for a speaker to share his emotional baggage with another person. When someone is there to listen, it satisfies that person’s human need to be understood. Certainly there are times when we talk about things that are not so interesting to someone else. However, his willingness to absorb our thoughts, ideas, and emotions can be both reassuring and validating. Listening is seen as a true sign of caring, friendship, and even love.

o Set your intention to give your full attention.

Some people are easily distracted when another person is speaking. But if you get distracted, the speaker won’t feel like you value what they have to say. If he wants to become a prominent listener, the first thing he must do is resolve to develop the habit of giving speakers his undivided attention. You can do this by: (1) looking directly into his eyes while you speak, (2) keeping your body still and not moving, (3) turning your body toward him instead of away, and (4) remaining silent until they have finished. to complete your thoughts.

o Provide positive nonverbal feedback.

Show that you are listening carefully by offering feedback as if that person is the only one left on this earth. You can do this by: (1) nodding your head, (2) leaning closer to the speaker, (3) smiling with delight or approval, and (4) maintaining eye contact throughout the conversation. As anyone with a hearing impairment can see, listening is not always auditory communication.

o Try not to interrupt while speaking.

When you interrupt someone while they are talking, you often try to finish their sentences to speed up their story. But mostly you are in your own head thinking about what you want to talk about instead of listening to. After a while, the speaker gets annoyed by his interruptions. For a speaker to feel appreciated, it is important to be more patient and disciplined when listening. If necessary, ask if he can make a brief comment on your topic before allowing them to continue.

o Help the speaker get into their flow.

When I worked as a speech coach years ago, one of my main tasks was to get people talking about topics they were eager to discuss. I would set things in motion by asking him, “So, John, tell us what happened to you the other day.” When the speaker would get stuck, he would interject, “So what happened next?” By doing this, I was able to help the speaker flow. I only interrupted them to get them back on track or to suggest they elaborate on their story. If you can help other people “get in the flow” when they talk, they will have a special appreciation for you.

o Seek first to understand others instead of wanting them to understand yourself.

Most people wish others would understand them, but we rarely think about trying to understand the other person. But by changing this habit in conversations and understanding the other person first, we can learn what’s important to them early in the game. This adjustment will naturally result in conversations that suit the other person’s taste and allow for a better exchange of ideas. By focusing more on the other person, we learn more about them and help them feel more appreciated. The other person will also perceive you as a more loving and less self-centered person.

o Repeat your words to yourself.

An easy way to avoid filtering out what someone else is saying is to repeat it in your head as you speak. Try it! I think you will find that this simple technique will keep your mind from wandering. It will also help your concentration and improve your recall of what is being said.

o Don’t jump to conclusions!

When resolving conflicts, be sure to fully listen to the person. Come see his side of the story and find out precisely what his true intentions were. That way, you can avoid the common mistake of jumping to conclusions by only listening to the first part. When you collect all the information from them, you will be more likely to identify with the reasoning or purpose of the other person’s behavior.

o Ask empowering questions.

By listening more carefully, you will be able to ask the right kinds of questions. Good questions make the speaker elaborate more fully or guide him in a more productive direction. Helpful queries include: “What made you really proud of that?” and “What did you enjoy most about what happened then?” You can also empower the speaker by directing them toward topics associated with positive emotions rather than negative ones. Instead of asking questions just for your own benefit, ask with the added intention of guiding the speaker to feel better about themselves.

By mastering these simple listening techniques with practice and purpose, a smart woman can set herself apart. The men you date will think of you as someone they can enjoy spending quality time with while doing the most basic activity: having a casual one-on-one conversation.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Dating sucks when people start avoiding you because you’ve earned a reputation as a terrible audience. But dating is great when others feel understood and appreciated by the easy way you listen to them.

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