Sex scenes in movies are often romantic, sensual, and hot. Sometimes they are a little awkward, sometimes funny or funny, and sometimes a little disturbing. Then there are the scenes that are downright disgusting.
In honor of Universal Pictures’ The Change-up, which will be available on Blu-ray and DVD from January 23rd, these dirty sex scenes are exactly what we’re celebrating. In the movie, Mitch (Ryan Reynolds) goes on a weekly date with Tatiana (Mircea Monroe), a 9-month pregnant woman he apparently met in childbirth class. While charming, the scene is anything but when she enters the flat demanding sex with wild animals.
Feeling so sorry for Dave (Jason Bateman), who is trapped in Mitch’s body at the time of the encounter, we decided to trace the past two decades and relive other movies that made us cringe, cringe, and blindfold.
10. Harold and Kumar go to the white castle, 2004
Kumar (Kal Penn) shows the world how intense a love affair with drugs can be while moaning with pleasure during sex with a giant bag of weed. While seemingly every stoner dream comes true, it’s questionable how this asexual bag of marijuana can do so much without actual body parts.
9. American Pie, 1999
In one of the most classic inanimate object sex scenes, we shudder when Jim (Jason Biggs) is caught by his father having sex with his mother’s freshly baked cake. It forever changed the meaning of hot apple pie and made us ponder the similarities between baked goods and sex.
8. Jack Frost, 1996
Jim’s crush on American Pie, Shannon Elizabeth, was previously crushed by a killer snowman in this cult classic, most notable for her hilariously poor acting. Although it is intended to be a terrifying rape scene, the result is a sordid sexual encounter between a snowman and a teenage girl. Besides the fact that Frosty looks like a giant marshmallow, the grossest part is probably that he’s poking her with his carrot nose.
7. Good luck, Chuck, 2007
Having women literally lining up to sleep with you probably sounds like heaven to most men. Chuck (Dane Cook) learns that it can be the opposite when you do it with the kind of fans who are more focused on praying to God the Savior than pleasing you, or have a George W. tattoo on top of her, um, bush.
6. Stepbrothers, 2008
Dale (John C. Reilly) is caught off guard in the men’s room when his stepbrother’s wife goes crazy over the stalker and demands sex. After jumping on his parts and thrusting back and forth in a way that strangely resembles a woodpecker, she tells him to ‘stay golden, pony boy’ before lifting one leg and urinating in the urinal. Dale thinks it’s amazing, which is kind of like if you like quick sex with woodpeckers and women who cry like men.
5. Team America: World Police, 2004
In this controversial sex scene (nine editions had to be shown to the Motion Picture Association of America before it was approved), we see the puppets perform from every possible angle their plastic bodies allow. While their creepy smiles don’t change at all during gameplay, their positions do change quite a bit, and each one makes us wonder more and more what the heck we’re doing watching disturbing doll sex.
4. The Hangover Part II, 2011
While we don’t actually see the sex scene between Stu (Ed Helms) and the Thai transvestite he has emotional sex with while drunk, our imaginations are free to conjure up some pretty dirty images. What we can see is Stu’s invaluable reaction when ‘she’ reveals her private parts and he accepts the fact that he made love to a her-him.
3. The Change-Up, 2011
Dave (Jason Bateman), while trapped in the body of Mitch (Ryan Reynolds), is seduced by a very pregnant and horny woman, who awaits his weekly sex session. She lunges at him, her huge bare belly leading the way, and attacks the rejected Dave-as-Mitch. Yes, pregnant women are beautiful, but not when you can see their baby’s foot sticking out through their enlarged stomach. The next scene isn’t much better, as Mitch-as-Dave meets Dave’s naked wife by making a huge poo in the toilet.
2. Bad Santa, 2003
Billy Bob Thornton shows us a side of Santa that we never wanted to see when he has anal sex with a prostitute in the dressing room at work. The scene greatly destroys the visions we had when we were the children of jolly old Saint Nick and his sweet Mrs. Claus.
1. Kingpin, 1996
Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson) opts for disgusting sex with his landlady instead of paying the rent. After sex, while he’s vomiting projectile in the bathroom, she questions the relationship between good sex and good shit: ‘What is it about great sex that always makes me have to shit? I guess it’s all that pumping. Pump and pull. ‘ That poetic.