How long has it been where you are? Not just in your city or neighborhood, but in the 10 foot radius around you personally. In the beloved Charles Dickens classic, “A Christmas Carol,” Dickens describes Scrooge as someone who “carried his own low temperature with him and did not defrost it one degree at Christmas.” Recently, in several coaching conversations, I asked my clients what kind of personal climate they are spreading at work or wherever they are.
The issue has come up because they have been distressed by the “stormy” conditions at their workplaces. As your coach, I have reminded you that none of us controls the entire climate where we live and work, but we can control the climate that we bring to life, work, and the situations we encounter.
And you? What is your personal climate zone like? Do you bring the sun and the blue sky wherever you go? Or do you leave the clouds and rain behind with complaints, negativity and pessimism? Are you a braggart and explode with your opinions and high-intensity emotions so that people lose their balance with your presence? One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence is being able to monitor our emotions, as well as our emotional impact on others, and moderate them to achieve positive results.
You may wonder how you can create a positive personal climate when those around you are negative, pessimistic, or spreading sadness. How can you stay sunny and relatively cloud-free when it feels like you’re in the middle of a storm at sea?
There are two ways (I’m sure many others too) that will allow you to spread more sun than rain: The first and perhaps most important is to CHOOSE how you want to think, feel and react to the circumstances around you. Ask yourself if the thoughts you are thinking and the emotional baggage you carry with you make your circumstances better or worse. If you are around someone who is spreading showers of doom and gloom, change the subject or, if necessary, remove yourself from the situation. If you regularly find yourself in the company of such people, it is time to set some limits so that it does not continue to rain on your parade. A boundary can be as simple as asking a question, “Do you think this is really helping our situation here?” Or assertively requesting that the person not use you as their dump.
The second key to spreading sunlight instead of sadness is to remind yourself to focus your thoughts and energy ONLY on those things you have control over. Complaining and complaining about someone or something is the equivalent of spinning your wheels when you’re stuck in the mud. What you focus on tends to expand, so stay focused on what you can control or at least positively influence.
Remember: you control your own personal weather zone. And the more consistently you speak and act in a way that diffuses sunlight rather than rain, the more it becomes an influence that can positively affect the overall climate in your family, your workplace, and even your community. This week, pay special attention to the weather you’re in, and if it’s not hot or sunny, start making minute-by-minute decisions about your mood and attitude that will change your personal weather conditions.
Abraham Lincoln said it well: “Most people are only as happy as they choose to be.” And you?