Always kiss your children good night, even if they are already asleep.
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
They are so sweet when they sleep. I used to go to their rooms and just look at them. My sister, who is also in recovery, told me how she would kneel and pray beside them for them while they slept. I got that idea from her and started doing that too, especially when we were struggling to communicate, or had a test the next day so they were stressed.
Kissing your child goodnight, even when he’s sleeping, reminds me how important the bedtime ritual is to the routine of life for toddlers and school-age children. Every night, start the bedtime ritual at least 30 minutes before you want your child to go to sleep. Children need a lot of sleep. Nine or ten hours minimum. The younger the child, the more hours of sleep they need. We started with baths, pajamas, reading, and then prayers, folds, and kisses. Sometimes they fell asleep during the story, but usually not.
Sometimes they needed a monster spray because they were scared. I’d take a spray can and spray the closet and under the bed. We talked for a moment about their fears and I told them that now they were protected. I would help them call our ancestors to be on guard that night for the imagined monster of childhood and leave them and go get ready for bed. Before going to bed, I would go in one more time just to look at them and make sure they were asleep.
For many of us, when we were children in our own homes, there was no ritual at bedtime. For many of us, chaos reigned and children were forgotten. Being a parent is a new opportunity to learn to parent yourself and your children. All the lessons and teachings of the 12 steps can be easily applied to parenting. Pick a bedtime ritual and stick with it. Your kids will love it and look forward to it. Go together to buy the books you will read. Choose pillowcases that they will put on their own pillows and see each night when they go to bed. Bring joy to the evening break.
Don’t let ego or anguish take over just before you’re ready to sleep at night. Bring your grateful heart to the evening ritual so that you are emotionally available to your child. Many children will be defiant, asking for food or water. Put a glass of water by the bed and tell them that breakfast is coming soon. If they complain of illnesses or colds, tell them that their bodies are magical and that they can heal overnight (which is true). Tell them to imagine themselves well and to sleep with this faith. Kiss them good night and tell them how much you love them and tell them what a blessing they are to the Universe.