So you have been cheated. It was devastating, like getting kicked in the stomach and thrown into the gutter. He couldn’t eat or function at work. Or maybe he was up all night watching old movies, crying and eating pints of Ben & Jerry’s. The affair creates so much heartbreak and pain that you don’t want it to happen again. Definitely never again.
Questions are very important. Is the cheater going to cheat again? Its a big problem. Should you trust again or not? Is it true, “once a cheat, always a cheat”? You may feel torn, like you want your cheating partner back, but feel like it’s a point of pride not to. You think, maybe you should dive back into that online dating pool, start looking at some great profiles, and forget about it all. Or maybe not.
Well, I have some critical information for you: Research studies show that even among married couples, cheating is relatively common: about 22% of men and 13% of women cheat. According to recent studies, even spouses who describe themselves as “happy” with their marriage have affairs.
But the good news is this: many people who are in romantic relationships that have decent chemistry and benefits for both can overcome the crisis of affairs. Not only that, they can become closer and put an end to cheating once and for all. This means that, “Once a cheat, always a cheat” is simply not true. There are people who learn and grow from the painful emotional hurricane and loss of relationship closeness that is the aftermath of infidelity.
Of course, there are gamers or sex addicts who will cheat and cheat and cheat again. These are the ones you really need to keep in mind. How to know if it is a chronic infidel? Here are five signs that your cheater is not a chronic case and that the relationship still has hope:
1. Your partner is truly sorry and regrets cheating on you. Look for sincere apologies that ring true when you hear them.
2. Your partner cuts off contact with his lover.
3. The cheater shows renewed appreciation and devotion to you.
4. They end up having deep, open, and honest conversations about their relationship, what was missing in it, and where they would like to take it in the future.
5. Your partner wants to enter psychotherapy or counseling, either individually or with you, to understand their own dynamics and make your relationship better and more intimate.
If the cheater is showing these signs and the relationship is good for you in many ways, consider getting your partner back. A word of warning: if your partner continues the affair or starts a new one, despite displaying the above signs, you may be dealing with a gambler or sex addict.
And how do you know if the cheating is happening again? Here are some common signs:
or he/she works late a lot
or he/she is suddenly taking trips you can’t go on
or he/she has new hobbies that do not include you
or mysterious phone calls with hang ups
o Credit card bills for unexplained hotel stays or gift-type items
or less sex
or he/she is more distant, angry or touchy
If you find that your partner is cheating on you again, it’s time to protect yourself from any further heartache by breaking up with this person. There are wonderful new matches waiting for you right there on your computer screen!
In short, if your partner strays, it does not at all mean that they will do it again. Once a cheat, always a cheat is not necessarily true. Forgiveness and a new meeting are possible. If you’ve been double-crossed but want to see if it can work, stay on your toes for a while and see which way the train is headed!
You can read about the latest research on cheating and how to keep passion and love alive in your relationship in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.