Recently a woman came to see me who was mourning the unexpected death of her son two weeks before. She was using a cane and, as any grieving mother would, she looked utterly exhausted. During our conversation it came to light that she normally doesn’t use a cane. She explained that she hadn’t eaten much, just a little yogurt and melon. There was more: she had been feeling weak and dizzy and she was afraid of falling. Thus, the cane was a necessity.
I quickly asked him if he had been drinking a lot of water. Her immediate response was, nothing at all. The result was a common condition that affected the vast majority of mourners: unrecognized chronic dehydration. This hidden condition, which occurs in both the non-grief and the grieving at any age, plays a significant role in the development of headaches, confusion, stomach aches, feeling sluggish, dizziness, flare-ups from old injuries and falls. Grief exacerbates dehydration due to the emotional swamp to be traversed.
As simplistic as it may sound, daily water consumption is an absolutely essential part of self-care, and more importantly, a critical coping technique when grieving the death of a loved one. Complaint work is very stressful and requires a lot of energy and stamina. The body’s need for water, not soft drinks, alcohol, or caffeinated beverages, which remove water from cells, is critical. Water, spring water if possible, will help immensely to reduce the physical pain of grief and support brain maintenance.
Here’s what you need to know about daily water intake and dehydration during bereavement.
1. If you tell yourself “I’m thirsty”, you’re late, because you’re already dehydrated and your body is paying dearly for it. This means that you should drink water at specific times before reaching the “I’m thirsty” stage. This is especially true as you get older, when thirsty awareness is much slower to become conscious thought.
2. How much should you drink? In general, actual intake depends on body size as some need more than others. However, diet, exercise levels, stress, weather, sweating, and other factors make the goal of (don’t let this number save you) 40 ounces per day essential. All you need to do is drink five 8-ounce glasses. Wow, you say. That may seem out of your league, but wait. See for yourself how small 8 ounces is by taking a liquid measuring cup and filling it to the 8 ounce mark. Then pour the water into a glass and see how small it really is. It’s like having 8 drinks when you were on the playground as a kid.
3. Try this schedule for your water intake. Approximately 15 minutes before each meal, drink 8 oz. This means that first thing in the morning drink water, with a little lemon if necessary, before anything else. Your kidneys will love you for it. About an hour after your meal, drink another 8 ounces. Yes, I know with three meals that add up to six glasses and a total of 48 ounces. So if you want, skip the one after dinner or before. On the other hand, six glasses is ideal because 40 ounces is the minimum, as most physiologists will tell you. You’ll know you’re drinking enough if your urine is clear or light in color, not dark.
4. If you have not been eating, like the mother before, electrolyte levels may become abnormal and you may need to add some electrolytes, the absence of which adds to confusion and blood pressure problems. Electrolytes in the blood are substances such as sodium, potassium, chloride, calcium and magnesium that in solution become electrically conductive ions. Our cells cannot function without this electrical transmission. Electrolytes are not found in drinking water. You need to get those minerals into your system in another way.
However, you don’t necessarily need to drink Gatorade or other sports drinks to satisfy this need, as many athletes do. Food is the best source. If you eat some vegetables (especially broccoli, kale or green beans), fruits and nuts, they will fill the bill. Of course, this is not easy to do when grieving. That’s why it’s so important to eat just a little bit, like a small salad, even at a time when you don’t feel like it.
In short, consider scheduling your water intake as one of your new routines. Make a note or put a picture of a glass of water on your bulletin board as a reminder. One of the tasks of grief is to develop many new routines to adjust to the absence of our loved one. The water routine will not only reduce the physical pain associated with grief, but it will become the foundation for increasing the energy and stamina necessary to face the transition you are facing in managing the emotions associated with your great loss. And, once it’s established as part of your new normal, you can wear it for the rest of your life.