You yell, you yell, you have an angry exchange with him. You are still angry, but he has calmed down and wants to make up by having sex. In your mind, you think, “What a bad opportunity! How could he act like nothing happened and want to have sex now? Does this mean we can’t have ‘angry sex’ or make-up sex? Actually, we can and often do.” we make”. .
In a relatively healthy relationship where the occasional argument or even a major disagreement is to be expected, sex life shouldn’t be put on hold just because you and your partner can’t agree. Making love is not admitting that you are wrong and he is right. It is an acknowledgment and a celebration of the love you share with him even in times of discord.
For common conflicts, such as disputes over housework, childcare, budget, in-laws, etc., that aren’t big issues, make-up sex has the power to heal emotional wounds. These ongoing issues may never be satisfactorily resolved, but good sex can fix them.
Make-up sex is normal and healthy. He can be madly passionate and help maintain intimacy in difficult times. It’s natural to feel excited after an argument. In the heat of an argument, adrenaline and dopamine (a desire hormone) levels rise, giving you a feeling of arousal. The high can be a good substitute for foreplay.
While it’s not wise to use passion as a form of escapism, agreeing to have sex while you’re still angry can be a way to strengthen sexual assertiveness and encourage us to be more honest and open in our relationships. Couples can become adept at communicating what they really want sexually because the disagreement that sparked the conflict has already lowered their defenses or sense of inhibition.
It is likely that for many of us, reconciled sex plays some role in our relationships. However, the sensitive nature of sex should encourage us to stick to some principles or strategies for the overall benefit of the relationship. Here are a few to follow and consider.
(1) Never degrade sex
Sex should never be forced on either spouse. The most important thing is that the wishes of each partner are respected. Sex should never be used to control or manipulate a partner into doing something he or she doesn’t want, especially when this difference of opinion is what started the disagreement in the first place. Sex should never be used solely as the solution to a problem. Instead, the mood-altering properties of lovemaking should be used as a gateway for open and honest communication about all the things that have gone wrong in the relationship.
Couples should honestly examine their relationship for repeating patterns that may hint at relationship dysfunction. If it always takes a fight for both of you to connect, then you should seriously consider talking to a relationship counselor.
(2) No personal attacks during discussions.
For many couples, an argument is verbal foreplay. They become sexually aroused by the exchange of words. The adrenaline rush that accompanies mild anger creates a response in the brain that is similar to sexual arousal. To use that rush to your advantage, avoid making personal attacks, harsh words, and accusations that could make the situation worse. Do not be cruel or mean to each other. Instead, feel the erotic possibilities in the energy pulsing through your angry body.
(3) Have a cool-down period
Many angry women need a cool-down period after a fight. Give yourself 15-30 minutes or even an hour just to go for a walk, bathe, read, or anything that restores your balance. Don’t promise sex when the break is over. But if make-up sex seems like something you’re doing for him, you can take this opportunity to make a special request, like extended foreplay or an erotic massage.
(4) Make it hot and spicy
Some women feel the need to speak their mind before they can move on to making love. Be brief. They can use this opportunity to hone and sharpen their seduction skills. Give him encouragement with your eyes as he expresses his feelings. You can start the ball rolling by having some kind of makeup ritual that can be as simple as taking a shower together or exchanging massages.
This can also be used as an occasion to spice things up, like giving him the best blowjob he’s ever had. You can do the things he really loves but doesn’t do very often, like masturbate for him while he watches or play bondage games with him. Go out of your way and remind him of what he might be missing if he ever makes you too angry.