You just met this great guy and he’s taken you on a few dates. You’ve known each other for a couple of weeks and you like him a lot. This particular night, you ended up at home on your comfortable couch, watching a movie. The movie has ended and suddenly things have turned steamy. He’s making moves and you feel like he wants to go all the way. Suddenly, all kinds of questions enter your mind: Do I really want this? Is this too soon? Will I like the next day? He only wants sex from me? How do I know if he really likes me? Do I really want to have sex? Am I really enjoying this? What is he really thinking? Do men just want sex? That I have to do?
Have you ever had any of these thoughts? If you’re like most women, you probably have. Well, do you want an honest guy’s perspective? Do you want to know what goes through the boy’s mind in this situation? Keep reading! Before we get started, let’s clear something up right away. Do men just want sex? No. But many women complain that men only want sex. And unfortunately, some men feel bad about this and decide to suppress their sex drive, when in fact there should be nothing wrong with men wanting to have sex. It is completely normal and the truth is that yes, most men want to have sex. After all, ladies, you wouldn’t want a guy who isn’t sexually interested in you, would you?
So if that’s the truth, how do you know if you’re having sex too soon, if he really likes you, if he’ll call you the next day, and what he’s really thinking? As a disclaimer, I would like to say that the following advice is primarily for those who choose to have sex before marriage. Ultimately, my advice is to always follow your heart. If in your heart you believe that waiting until you are married before having sex is the right thing to do for you, then the easy answer for you is simply to wait. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise just because it might seem like everyone else is rushing to jump into bed or because the media is so explicit about sex. But for those of you who are struggling with the decision of when is the right time to have sex, keep reading.
Believe it or not, men are very simple creatures. The truth is that we men often don’t think long before doing something, especially in situations where all our blood is flowing south, away from our brain. So now that we’ve covered what’s going through a man’s mind in the heat of the moment, let’s help you understand men in general, because the more you understand them, the better decisions you’ll make for yourself. Remember that in the end all men want is to make you happy. But it is very difficult, if not impossible, to respect your needs and desires, if you don’t express or respect them yourself. Just because a man wants to have sex with you and is physically attracted to you, does not necessarily mean that he is also emotionally, mentally, and/or spiritually attracted to you.
Healthy chemistry and attraction between men and women often play out differently. Men are usually attracted to women first physically and only after that mentally and emotionally. Women, on the other hand, usually develop a mental or emotional attraction first, and only after that does the physical part kick in. This explains why women can easily misinterpret hints from men that they want to have sex to mean that he should take care of her too. Since, intuitively, the woman would generally want sex only if she feels that she really cares about the boy, she will now assume that the same is true for the boy, but in reverse. So, before having sex, she makes sure she’s not setting herself up to hurt herself by mistake. Don’t assume that because he is physically attracted to you that he cares about you too.
My second tip explains why waiting to have sex later can be a win-win situation. Women often make another mistake by thinking that if you don’t have sex with a man, his interest in you will diminish. This is simply not true. While it is true that men do want to have sex, it is also true that waiting to have sex at a later time can increase the passion in your relationship and work to your advantage.
Many women have heard stories of men leaving their friends, or experiencing it themselves, for not having sex. This automatic association is simply not true. While there are many men who are just looking for sex, and while it is true that if you were to date one of these men they would probably leave you because you did not have sex with them, men who really love you will not leave you for that reason. And if you were looking for a more serious relationship, you would just be glad that those who were looking for sex actually left. If a man really likes you for who you are and cares about you, while you’re dating, he wouldn’t leave you for not having sex.
Some of you may already doubt what I am saying, but let me explain further. In the last ten years, I have seen, experienced, and come into contact with an increasing number of very kind and caring guys who want a relationship to work just as much as women do. The truth is that men today also long for a satisfying, loving and happy relationship. While there are also plenty of jerks who often give men a bad name, I have come in contact with plenty of really nice guys on an almost daily basis who actually want relationships to work.
Although these men, if they were dating you and liked you, would probably want to have sex with you, they wouldn’t leave you just because you wanted to wait while they got to know each other. In fact, the more they like and get to know you, the more likely they are to want the occasion to be special too. Realize that for a guy, waiting to have sex actually helps him figure out how much he’d like to be intimate with you. This gives the passion in your relationship a chance to grow even more.
There is wisdom in waiting. While you’re waiting to have sex with him, he’ll first have a chance to find out if he really likes and cares about you. If you can make your dating experiences positive without sex, this delayed gratification will also help you get through those rough spots in your relationship when you disagree. The more he experiences success in making you happy while you’re dating, the more confident he’ll be when times get tough and you’re not always as happy with him as you were in the beginning.
Realize that waiting to have sex the moment you feel ready can help increase the passion in your relationship and help your guy become the best man he can be. As long as he feels hope and has managed to make you happy, I promise there is no threat in saying no to his advances.
So if in the heat of the moment you feel like you’re not ready, here’s what you can safely say: “Hey, I really like you and this feels great, but I’m not ready to go any further yet. I just like to go slow.” By saying this, you’ve communicated to him that you want him to wait, but you’ve also done it in a way that also tells him that he’s made you happy. In fact, you have given him the courage to continue to pursue you. If he ignores your wishes, repeat the phrase and be firm.
It’s important that you communicate your wishes in a way that doesn’t make him feel bad for wanting sex, but at the same time makes it clear that you expect him to respect you as well. The more mature you are and the better you know yourself, the easier it will be for you to know when the time is right for you. In the end, follow your heart and remember that the more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you. And this applies to men and women.