Much has been said about marriages and couples, and working with them made me realize that even when there are tons of books out there to help couples live a “happy life,” very few explain how to successfully ruin it.
So, since my job is to help people in their day-to-day relationships, I have in stock a whole list of proven methods that have worked wonderful nightmares in their relationships. If you need any help or support, or are just curious about how many of them you are currently using, feel free to read this.
1- COMPLAINT FOR EVERYONE:
If there’s something wonderful about complaining, it’s that the list is endless and it all works. Is nothing enough to make you happy? The sun is too bright, the grass is too green, the birds sing too loud (especially in China), everything is so beautiful that your eyes hurt. Yes, this is just a perfect start to ruin your days and also those around you. Keep doing this for as long as you can stand it and I guarantee you’ll wipe away all the smiles with amazing success.
Just another example to give you ideas, let’s imagine you’re in a restaurant:
complain about the chairs (too heavy, too narrow, too low, too high, too… too much),
the service is slow or too fast and doesn’t give you enough time to know what you want;
glasses or forks have stains
the environment is too noisy
the lights are too bright (or not)
The food is too expensive and not good enough etc.
The list of complaints can be the size of your imagination.
2- Lean in your partner for EVERYONE, avoid all kinds of own initiative.
Need help preparing a business lunch? Forget it! Fair WHOSE has to. Find any excuse.
– Too tired
– Too busy
– Too afraid of doing something wrong
– Not enough skills for that matter, lack of experience.
– Why do you have to deal with it, can’t the assistant do it?
-Kids keep you busy
– I need to walk the dog.
– Family or friends are only visiting on that date.
– Language ability problem.
3- Avoid all engagements and social events, particularly those where your life partner requires your presence/help.
Once again, all apologies are good. Start with the usual ones:
-“you are simply not cut out for this type of event”
– People are so weird and uninteresting.
– They really have nothing in common with you and make you sleepy
– In fact, standing so long makes your legs swallow and ache.
– On the other hand “you have nothing to wear”
4- Forget taking care of yourself, just let go.
Life is too complicated and you really don’t have time for superficial matters. Try putting on a few pounds to give you strength at this point, or if you’ve just had a baby, forget about getting back into shape.
-Keep your hair up or in a ponytail, if you are a boy leave your hair a little more oily than normal and your beard grows a little more than normal, enough to give it a bohemian look.
-Ladies, forget about makeup when your husband is around. Remember, you like the natural and it will help your skin to be healthier and prevent wrinkles.
– Manicure? Pedicure? NO WAY
– Wear comfortable clothes, juggins and sweatshirts are perfect! Anyway, remember that you have nothing to wear.
-Avoid perfumes and perhaps also deodorants
– Best of all: if you have children, let them stain your clothes, burp them, clean their mouths, etc. The scents they will leave on you will absolutely keep your spouse at a safe distance.
5- Make sure you avoid any kind of interesting conversation, just stick to simple and boring topics.
Once you have become an expert on this subject, contact will be absolutely avoided. If you’re running out of ideas, let me give you some useful topics to start a topic:
– Talk about the ayi and pending errands (drivers, gardeners, guards, etc. also work)
– Tell your partner about the adventures of your pet; chewing shoes, urinating around the house, running after people, etc.
– He criticized his friends, neighbors, teachers, baker, manicurist, etc.
– Compare your children with others and complain about their behaviors. Make sure you blame your spouse for not being around when you need them. By the way, here you can also talk about other parents and their lousy job as parents… not like you… the best in town taking care of their children.
6- In-laws are a pain in the back!
This is like tea goose that lays golden eggs, there are never enough. Complain, criticize, compare to your wonderful, loving family, avoid them, and be sarcastic when engaging with the in-laws. Here you will collect all the credits and even the extra ones in the race to get divorced.
I guess you get the point, to make sure you’re really getting extra points keep track of your fantastic work, write down what works best and try to make some improvements on it. In the process, also try to have a little fun, if that’s possible.
yuri ferrer