For the first time in over four years, my wife and I enjoyed a loaf of homemade bread that was made exactly as directed by the recipe. Not that we haven’t had homemade bread in so long. Heck, we make bread two or three times a week! It’s just that we haven’t followed a recipe in so long.
Janice often asks me if I could make this dish or that food again, and I tell her a flat “No.” Once again, I am not being obstructionist or contrary. Since I never follow recipes and spend my meal prep time “imagining” the spices and add-ins to add to a simple meal, I can never remember precisely what I put into each build. Following recipes is almost a stressful task for me.
We, all of us, live our lives within defined limits, as is expected of us. There are rules, social niceties, protocols and not so nuanced recommendations about how we should live. break them.
Rules, regulations and laws are essential for a good and peaceful society. But the rules should be nothing more than common sense. We don’t steal, we don’t commit murder, we respect each other. We do not need the ten commandments of the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, or any holy book to know that we must respect the rights of others, the physical well-being of others, and the emotional safety of others. Beyond that, we must demand the freedom to be ourselves and overcome our own limits.
There are vociferous, often poisonous debates going on at all times regarding what we perceive as freedoms. We have the right to carry loaded weapons wherever we want. But what does that do to the emotional well-being of those around us? Everyone has a right to religious freedom, apparently only as long as it doesn’t disagree with our chosen religion. We need to be free from government intervention, except when we need new highway construction, snow removal, hurricane relief, or protection from criminals. People have a right to affordable education and health care, but it’s only defined by our standards, not theirs. Who is right in these great debates? No one. And everyone.
We need to be able to choose our path, without interference or coercion, as long as we do not infringe on the choice of others.
And this brings me back to my cooking recipes, or lack thereof.
Fifty years ago, unless I was a chef, I would have been ostracized for admitting that I like to cook. I also like symphonic and classical music. Forty years ago, I would have been severely beaten for admitting that, as it must have meant I was gay. I believe that I have a duty to help those in need when I can, and that the government (you and me) also has a responsibility to care for those who cannot care for themselves. Thirty years ago, during the rise of the yuppie era, I would have been scolded for being a radical liberal or socialist. I live a very minimal lifestyle, as defined by physical possessions. Twenty years ago, my sanity would have been questioned for avoiding the great American dream. A while ago I kicked my addiction to cable TV and tech gadgets, except for the essentials (for me) like a computer. Just over a decade ago, he would have been a heretic, threatening to destroy the foundations of the modern world. However, I believe that everyone should be able to choose to cook, enjoy their own music preferences, give or not give to others, own huge gas-guzzling vehicles, or text until their fingers bleed. As long as it doesn’t harm others. Live your life the best way you know, not the best way others know for you!
Cook your life with your own ingredients and delight your own emotional, physical and emotional taste buds.
Ever since I learned that what other people think doesn’t matter or, at worst, is a reflection of their own prejudices, life has been a constant meal made without a prescription. I built and moved into a yurt; a decision made jointly by my spouse and myself. I started a low-income housing project and found a dozen like-minded people to work with me. We recently got lost in Ocho Rios, led into the bowels of the old town by a local, not knowing if we could safely find our way out. I recently fell off a roof, because I wasn’t taking proper safety precautions, and found out that I am still, at sixty-one years old, young enough to jump! At Christmas, I received my usual and cherished gifts from my grandchildren: rocks. It’s an old tradition that I started with my kids, remembering the Charlie Brown Halloween special and the practice of giving coal or potatoes to bad kids in England. This month, my whole family is having our annual barbecue, in February, in Manitoba, Canada, where the normal temperature is 25 to 30 degrees below zero for that period. It is our way of making fun of winter and pinching the New Year by telling it that we are not satisfied. We’ve been doing this since 1988. We don’t care what anyone else thinks. We are embracing life.
The reason I don’t use recipes is because my tastes are not the same as yours, and yours are not the same as your neighbors’, and so on. Recipes are guidelines. They are little building blocks. Just because you have square building blocks doesn’t mean you can’t build a round house with them! Start your innovative life by recognizing that there are good recipes for good reasons: because many people like them. Then add or subtract from your life recipe the things you don’t like and the things you love.
And, from time to time, go back and stick to a proven set of rules, a conventional recipe. Being normal from time to time can also be an enlightening experience. Don’t be afraid of normality. Just don’t force yourself to adhere to it, if you want to personalize and get the most out of your life.
Now, can I interest you in my favorite recipe?